Need a listening ear? Something on your mind?

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bxccah
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Re: Need a listening ear? Something on your mind?

Postby bxccah » October 18th, 2012, 7:46 pm

Riv wrote:I'm so sorry, Bxccah :(

The only thing I can't really help with is break-ups. I don't know how to get through them myself. It does get better with time, so the only thing I can suggest is wait, and be patient. If it was pretty serious, it's even harder to move on, but eventually you must do that. No matter what. I remember that after one break-up I was so down, I couldn't do any school work, I walked around like a zombie - everything I said, every emotion I showed - it was all a pretense, a mask. Inside that mask I was screaming, crying, curling up in the corner and dying all over again. I don't know how I got through it, but at one point it seemed pointless even to me. So I, step by step, started emerging from that zombie-mode. And now I am happier than ever because I found a person who is much better for me and to me than that other person ever was.

So, as I said, the only thing I can really say is: time heals all wounds. Don't try to erase that person from your heart or brain, it will only hurt yourself further, but instead learn to cope without that person. She'll still have a spot in your heart, but that spot will get smaller and smaller with time, making space for new people, new experiences.

I know this might not make sense right now or you simply won't acknowledge the truth of what I'm saying, but remember these words. I've gone through it. I know what I'm talking about. And since you've gone through break-ups before, you know that at least something in my words is true.

I hope you will soon feel better again. In the meantime, though, cry yourself out, scream if you need to, watch sad movies with lots of ice cream, but don't think that you weren't good enough (she didn't know what she was losing! *finger snap*), that you will never get over it and it's better if you didn't exist (I know many people, including myself have thought these thoughts. Those are NOT good thoughts). You WILL get through this, in time. We are here for you, honey. If you need a place to vent or scream (R-rated, of course, on-forum :D), just come here. These wonderful people here have helped me through some rough patches and will be glad to help you as well. You can ALWAYS count on us being there for you.

And you can PM me if you feel the need to talk more privately. I might not answer right away (probably because I'm sleeping or I actually have something important to do IRL), but I WILL answer the next day. I promise you that.

I hope this helped in some way and that you will feel better soon again. =) ♥



Okay, I think that is the nicest and most helpful thing I've read in weeks.

Thank you, so much... You have no idea how much that means to me, because that's exactly how I feel... I have to keep a brave face because I'm living with my little niece at the moment but now she's in bed, I was ready to completely go to pieces, to
Spoiler: show
possibly self harm and overdose, because the pain is too much to cope with.


(I added that in case it distresses anyone else who might read it, and it wouldn't let me PM on my iPhone but I wanted you to know how grateful I am)

But that's just made me smile, and it's given me the strength not to do those things. There is a tub of Ben and Jerrys in the freezer for 'emergencies' that my sister bought, so I think I will take that and try to just ride it out. I mean, I know the pain will get better with time, it always does, always. But at the time, it's just so awful, and it hurts so much :(

I think I'll get my favourite blanket, my hot water bottle, my ice cream and read The Goblet of Fire. Not sure why that book works as a distraction so well but... Not complaining :mrgreen:

Seriously, thank you...I'm normally the kind of person to keep stuff inside, but I thought, hey, I might as well post on here, someone is bound to cheer me up. I wasn't expecting that beautiful, kind message.

You've just made a huge difference in my night, and stopped me from relapsing.

Thank you :'D
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Re: Need a listening ear? Something on your mind?

Postby Rhynn » October 18th, 2012, 8:38 pm

bxccah, I'm so glad Riv has been able to help you. Just remember: PFF will ALWAYS be here to help you! There are times at which PFF is a bit quiet; but even then, a post will never go unanswered for too long.

I'm so glad this has helped you not do those things in your spoiler. It has helped this time - and I hope it can help you in the future, too. No problem is too small or insignificant - you can always come here to get some help. You are ALWAYS welcome here and we will be here for you!
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Re: Need a listening ear? Something on your mind?

Postby Elena » January 18th, 2013, 2:20 pm

I know many of you said you would listen through PMs but I didn't want to make anyone feel like they had to answer this...I really just needed to vent. So thanks to anyone who listens. :P


Honestly I’m not sure where to start. I have a lot of frustration built up inside and if I don’t get it off my chest I might explode. The first thing that really started it all is planning my son’s first birthday party. I am not the party planner type person. I also can be a procrastinator when it comes to things I don’t like to do. I waited and waited to plan my son party and before I knew it, it was time to have it. I decided that since it was last minute and we don’t have much money that the best thing would be to have a small party with grandparents and cousins. Simple and easy…..Right. When my mother-in-law talked to my husband she said “Okay well you know you should have a bigger party with the whole family. We can do it here.” Okay fine and dandy but my husband and I discussed together what we thought would be good for us but then he talks to his mother and changes everything without even talking to me. Now I don’t want to sound ungrateful. Because I am grateful that she is hosting the party for us so we can have a bigger party for him…but what I don’t like is that her and my husband changed and planned it without caring what I think. I know it’s my fault for not planning it sooner but even if I had planned it six months ahead of time, if she thought we should have a huge party, then she would make that happen.

When they talked about all of this I was busy getting they boys their bath and ready for bed. I figured I would call and talk with her the next day to help her plan it. It’s the least I can do since she is going to host it….So when I called her the next day I asked who she already talked to and who I still needed to call and invite. Also what food to bring and that my sister wanted to make the cake for him…..WELL her answer was I have already called everyone in our family but I didn’t call yours (well golly I hope you didn’t call MY family!) and I have a menu already made up and everything bought and I will a small cake for the b-day boy and a sheet cake for everyone else to eat. WOW was what I was thinking. Is there anything you didn’t do?? Now I feel even worse. I told her that my sister wanted to bake the cake for him….her answer was well if she wants to that’s fine but I still am buying a cake for everyone else to eat. Nobody is going to want to eat it after his fingers are all over it. Yes that is true…but who said anything about giving him the WHOLE cake?? He will have a piece. He doesn’t need to grab the whole cake I mean come on! I know some people do that but honestly what is the purpose? To waste a whole cake? Maybe that is just my way of thinking idk..

So first off I feel really stupid for procrastinating the party, second I feel bad she is hosting it but grateful she is hosting it, and third I feel like she took over the whole thing. Yes I screwed up by waiting but you had to go as far as calling everyone and inviting them?? I could have done that. And when you tell me I don’t need to bring any food that makes me feel worse….I’m so angry with myself about it all and I can’t stop beating myself up over it. Lesson learned, next time it will be so very different. I will not procrastinate on it and will not let my mother-in-law plan it. And I really can’t say I’m learning because I have a 3 year old son who has had 3 b-day parties. Difference with that is we asked to have his 1st birthday at their house, and his second and third were at our home because it was easiest for us. I wanted to ask his parents to host the party for us since they had our first son’s 1st party there….BUT my hubby didn’t want to ask them He felt like it would be to much to ask….BUT if she asks then its okay?? Ahh!! Typing all of this makes me feel worse…I feel like a terrible person and mother and it’s just eating at me. I am learning and I will make mistakes I know that but there is no excuse for this.

To top everything off, On Wednesday my husband told me that his boss is cutting his hours. It’s about a $400 cut each month and is going to hurt us financially…Now I’m even more stressed out about money then I was a week ago. It’s just all so depressing and it’s stressing me out.

Sorry this is so long and I hope its not confusing. I just typed as it went through my mind :? And please don’t think badly of me… But I do feel better now that I got all of it out.
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Re: Need a listening ear? Something on your mind?

Postby KCMarauder » January 18th, 2013, 2:30 pm

Aw Elena I hope you feel better getting it all out! First of all you do not AT ALL sound like a terrible mother. Procrastinating isnt always a bad thing, its a quality I think every human being posesses. I know a childs first birthday can be special but just remember, your son wont remember it.

Your mother in law does sound very controlling and I wouldnt be happy with her taking over the way she did either! so thats not just you and it doesnt make you a about bad person for thinking that. Maybe you cant talk to her about it, but what your husband?

As for money, again you arent alone on this. My hours at work have also been cut and im really stressed about it. And I dont even have a house to run.
I get being stressed, I'm always stressed. Right now I have rubbish hours at a job I hate, I hate living with my mom and need to get out asap. And all the stress is putting huge strain on my relationship cause I feel so rubbish I end up only seeing the bad things and thinking my relationship is awful when it probably isnt.
If you ever want to talk or vent privately, I'm hear to listen! we can vent to each other.

I hope you dont feel too bad about the birthday thing, at the end of the day when you put it into perspective, its pretty trivial, even though it seems like a massive deal. I know its not easy to be happy without lots of money but you have a husband and a wonderful family and thats what matters most <3
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Re: Need a listening ear? Something on your mind?

Postby Danul » January 18th, 2013, 2:45 pm

Elena, you're not a terrible mother for this at all. The fact you feel so bad about it shows just how good a mother you are. You clearly care so much about your children, and ultimately that's the key to being a good mother. From everything I know of you Elena, you are a fantastic mother.

KCMarauder wrote:I hope you dont feel too bad about the birthday thing, at the end of the day when you put it into perspective, its pretty trivial, even though it seems like a massive deal. I know its not easy to be happy without lots of money but you have a husband and a wonderful family and thats what matters most <3


*Nods.*

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Re: Need a listening ear? Something on your mind?

Postby Elena » January 19th, 2013, 10:17 am

Thank you guys. You put a smile on my face. :P I'm feeling a bit better about the whole situation but I just want to put it behind me. My husband and I talked a little and he said he didn't realize she took over everything and is sorry that she did. I'm glad to know he is on my side about this. And I don't think she was doing it to be mean or anything. All that matters now is that my son has a good birthday! So that means no crabby mommy!

KC, I will take you up on that offer to talk sometime! And I am always here to listen and talk to you guys if you ever need to vent too. (anyone else too :P )
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Re: Need a listening ear? Something on your mind?

Postby Hermione Leviosa » January 20th, 2013, 9:17 am

Elena KC and Danul gave great responses and I agree with them. I couldn't have responded better. I am very glad to hear that you have such a great partner in life (your husband). I have baby-sited a lot yet I haven't been a 24/7 caregiver. With the time I put in in babysitting I have experienced that it can be very tiring because every moment you are thinking about the care of the little ones. That wears you out. I can understand why the birthday party came up before you knew it. You are a loving and very caring mom. You had every intention of giving your son a birthday party. It seems to me that your mother-in-law is trying to grab on to every chance she can get to be a caregiver of a child again. However, if she was the mom in this situation with the 24/7 responsibility like she was with your husband I wonder how she would respond. I think you are wonderful mom. You gave your mother-in-law the opportunity to give your son a birthday party that is probably emotionally more for her than anyone else. Let yourself relax and enjoy the party no matter how it turns out. You deserve to have people help you with this very precious job of being a mother. Image
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Elena
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Re: Need a listening ear? Something on your mind?

Postby Elena » January 20th, 2013, 10:49 pm

Thank you Hermione. You are right and I only was looking at it from the negative point of view. I alway try to do everything but I'm only one person and I can't. Being a mom is tough but I wouldn't trade it for anything. Thank you guys I really appreciate it :D
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Re: Need a listening ear? Something on your mind?

Postby Emmy » February 14th, 2013, 3:04 pm

I'm late to this.. and I'm typing on my phone so I'll try my best!

El, like everyone said... you are NOT a horrible mother! Not one bit, always remember that. I'm sorry your mother- in- law took over, you'll just have to draw the line next time something like that happens. And I'm sorry your husband didn't talk to you about it before making a decision.. maybe he thought you wouldn't mind :/ even so it's nice to talk about these things.

I'm so sorry to hear about the money issues, that is so difficult :( Im sure you and your husband will figure it out together.

Just remember it is okay to accept help from others (I know it's hard to do). You're not perfect, and that is okay! You're doings your best!

I guess I didn't offer much help or advice, but I'm always here to listen :-)
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Elena
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Re: Need a listening ear? Something on your mind?

Postby Elena » February 14th, 2013, 4:18 pm

Aw Thanks Emmy. And yes you did help me. First by listening and answering helps far beyond you can imagine and second you (and everyone else) are right. Sometimes I try to do EVERYTHING on my own but I need to accept help when it is offered to me. Money...eh we will be okay once we get our tax refund. I feel so much better when I know we have something to fall back on.

*Hugs everyone* I want to thank all of you for your advice and listening ear. I appreciate it so much and I can't say enough how much I love it here. You guys all make my day! :D
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